Watching The Office

 Michael: Hello Oscar Meyer Wiener -lover. I bet, that you have a bunch of very liberal girl-type friends, who trust you implicitly, because they know you’d never touch them given your condition.

Phyllis: Michael?
Michael: What?
Phyllis: I have a friend who’s single.
Michael: Oh.
Phyllis: Sandy. She gorgeous and she’s got a feisty personality too.
Michael: Hmmm feisty. So she’s not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Phyllis: Uhm, no she’s a professional softball player.
Michael: Eeooh… Catcher or in-field?
Phyllis: I don’t know Michael.
Michael: Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a rowboat? Could- could a rowboat support her?
Phyllis: What are you asking?
Michael: I think I’m being very clear, what I’m asking. Would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?….. It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.
Phyllis: No. Alright! No she can’t fit on a rowboat.
Michael: Yes! I knew it. I knew it!

Stanley: There’s nobody I hate enough to write their name on this card.
Phyllis: Well, I’m setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway and he can just deal with it.

Michael: Okay. Wendy. “Hot and juicy redhead.” I’ll give this a try. (dialing)
Woman: Wendy.
Michael: Hello, Wendy. This is Kevin’s friend, Michael.
Woman: This.. isn’t Wendy.
Michael: Oh I’m sorry could you put her on please.
Woman: Dude, this is a Wendy’s resturant.
Michael: Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please?
Woman: You have to come to the resturant to order food.
Michael: Well I’ll send somebody to pick it up. Just have it ready.
Woman: It’s ready now.
Michael: Well, put it aside! (Hangs up)

Michael: Uhm, his one says Chair Model?
Dwight: I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn’t have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her, and I will bring her to you. And as God as my witness, she shall bare your fruit.
Michael: That sounds good. Go get her! Wait — first, go to Wendy’s get my food, come back and then go.

Dwight: The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used the Wilkes-Barr Modeling Agency. The agency gave me the following information: Debra Sholevski, 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.

Andy: I left my cell phone in my car.
Phyllis: Call us when you get there so we know you’re ok.

Michael: She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So… behold my bachelorette. I give her 10 for looks and a 3 for her ability to describe herself…. Hello milady.

Michael: How did she die?
Dwight: I guess you could say she died of… blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got into a car accident, plowed into the side of an airplane hangar.
Michael: So innocent.
Dwight: She was stoned apparently.
Michael: You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but now I know that’s just silly. Because she’s dead. What do you do?
Dwight: Wait ’till next year’s chair catalog comes out and find someone who’s still alive. Yeah.

Pam: I’m not gonna move in with anyone unless I’m engaged.
Jim: Have I not proposed to you yet?
Pam: Hmmmm…I don’t….no.
Jim: Well, that’s coming.
Pam: Oh, right now?
Jim: No…I won’t do it right here, that would be rather lame
Pam: Okay, so then when?
Jim: Pam, I’m not gonna tell you. I hate to break it to you but that’s not how it’s gonna work. I’m serious…it’s happening. And when it happens, it’s going to kick your ass, Beesly. So, stay sharp.

Jim: Where do you wanna go for dinner?
Pam: I don’tknow… I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what? That one–
(Jim gets down on his knees)
Jim: Hey,Pam….Will you….wait for me one second, while I tie my shoe?
Pam: I hate you.
Jim: What! My shoe was untied. What is your problem? Oh my God! You thought I was—- Oh, no no…

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