Watching The Office

Dwight: Force it in as deep as you can.
Michael: That’s what she said.
Michael: Alright everybody— Oh my God, Pam! Those make you look so ugly. Uhh, Pam in order to get hotter you take the glasses off. You’re moving in the wrong direction.
Pam: I don’t have my contacts—
Michael: Dah, dah, dah. I can’t even hear you. It’s just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.

Michael: I’m not feeling very well, right now though, my stomach hurts so I may be going home early today.
Toby: You know Michael, sometimes my daughter’s stomach hurts when there’s a mean girl at school.
Michael: Well sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it’s probably psychological.

Michael: Well you don’t get it. Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man and you’re… you. If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another. “Hey, um, you’re poor.” “Well hey, your mom is dead.” That’s what friends do. It’s… you’re so white.

Darryl: Well see, um, in a gang world, we use something called fluffy fingers.
Michael: What is that?
Darryl: That’s when someone really gets in your face, you know you just, start ticklin’ ‘em.
Michael: Really?
Darryl: Yeah. And he starts tickling you. And pretty soon you laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you’ve forgotten the whole thing. Y’all just go to church together, and get an ice cream cone.
Michael: I would have never though that.. gangs would be tickling each other.
Darryl: Oh. It’s effective.

Kevin: All the girlfriends that I’ve ever had have worn glasses.
Pam: Oh. Okay. Hmm.
Kevin: It’s kind of a turn on for me actually. Like librarians. Could you just say, “these are due back Thursday.”
Pam: No.

Michael: I am a good person and sometimes good people don’t get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield….. (impersonation) Hey! I don’t get no respect. No respect at all. When I was in the sandbox as a kid I got no respect. My wife likes to talk after sex, so she called me from a hotel room, said “I don’t respect you.” Aaah. Thoughtless. You know what don’t get no respect? Airplane food. Why don’t they just make the plane outta the airline food. My wife don’t get no respect, so take her please. If you don’t get no respect, you might be a redneck. Respect, is nice, boy. What’s the deal with grapenuts? No grapes no nuts. I don’t get no respect.

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