Watching The Office

Jim: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least… nine times and every time we’ve been able to get out of it. But, I gotta give him credit. He got me. Because… I’m starting to suspect there was no assignment from corporate.

Dwight: Michael! Uh what time should I be arriving?
Michael: Dwight it’s couples only. And besides I only have 6 wine glasses. So it will be me and Jan and Pam and Jim. And Angela and Andy!

Michael: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this, on the wall, myself. Let me show you something: A lot of people in the room, you need more space…Voila. Right into the wall.
Jim: Wow.
Michael: Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this TV!

Jim: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game, and it’s called, “Let’s See How Uncomfortable We Can Make Our Guests.” And they’re both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.

Jim: You’ll never guess. I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently my apartment flooded. Something with the sprinklers.
Jan: Oh no!
Jim: Pam we should probably get going to see the damage.
Michael: Well you don’t know two of you to do that.
Jim: That’s… true, um. Dinner sounded delicious. Pam, see you at home? Thank you so much.
Pam: Oh Jim I don’t think you’re going to abandon this party here all by itself.
Jim: No, ’cause everything I own is there.
Pam: You can buy new stuff but you can’t buy a new party!
Michael: That’s true! That is a great point. Come on down here. Sit down, on the couch. We’re your friends and we’re not going to let you think about all your stuff being destroyed alright?

Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. Whoo! But I don’t have to tell you, Pam.
Pam: Oh. Yeah. W- what?
Jan: Oh don’t tell me that he’s really changed since you guys have dated.
Pam: Oh are- are you joking?
Jan: Michael told me a little bit about it but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I’ve noticed how you look at him at the office.

Pam: I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for… At a dinner party.

Michael: Pam. I hope she didn’t do anything to the food.
Pam: Like- like what?
Michael : I can’t prove it, but I think she might be trying to poison me.

Pam: I know Jan didn’t poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn’t it be me? Michael’s former lover.

Michael: “Whatever I want.” It’s never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
Jan: We saw W —
Michael: When I said that I wanted to have kids and you said that you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn’t so sure? Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn’t wanna have kids? Who had is reversed back! Snip snap snip snap snip snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought the condo, to fill will children!
Jan: I am so sorry that I don’t wanna bring kids into this screwed up world.
Michael: I am sorry too.
Jan: But look if you wanna have kids then fine! You win! Let’s have a (bleep) kid!
Michael: Do you mean it? You wanna have a kid.
Jan: I hate my life.

Jim: So, how do you guys know each other?
Dwight’s Babysitter: I was his babysitter.
Pam: And now you guys are, dating?
Dwight: Purely carnal. That’s all you need to know.

Jan: I’m so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The, uh, sliding glass door shattered. It’s actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it?
Michael: I don’t like that story, babe.
Jan: Come on! It’s a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
Michael: Stop! Stop it! I mean.. I like ice cream, ok? Sue me! Oh- no, don’t! I shouldn’t say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue! She loves lawsuits. You know, honey, that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.
Jan: You are so right. You are SO right! Because before I lived here the glass was always covered with smudges and- and I moved in and I cleaned it and I guess that makes me the devil!
Michael: You are! She is! She is the devil! I’m in hell! I’m burning. Help me.
Angela: You shouldn’t joke about that.

Michael: Man I would love to burn your candles!
Jan: You burn it you buy it!
Michael: Oh good! I’ll be your first customer!
Jan: You’re hardly my first.
Michael: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!

The Office, The Office Dinner Party, The Office Dinner Party Quotes