Watching The Office

Michael: Today I am headed over to the job fair at Valley View High School to find some new interns. Get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place.

Michael: Why are you dressed like that?
Darryl: Like what?
Michael: Like you’re applying for a loan.
Dwight: Maybe he’s going to church. Or court.

Michael: Uh, Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don’t have to worry about internships with them because they definitely ain’t goin’ to college.
Darryl: What college did you go to Mike?
Michael: Let’s go!

Kelly: Oh my God, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama. Everybody I’m dating Barack Obama.

Pam: Michael. Do you remember you specifically told me to bring one sheet of paper. You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. I said, ‘are you sure Michael?’ And you said, ‘Pam! Pam! Pam!’ And then you sneezed in my tea and then you said, ‘don’t worry it’s just allergies.’ Do you remember that?

Michael: Yeah, I’m trying to lure these kids into my booth. But, uhh, kids are very weary of being lured, these days. Thank you Dateline.

Michael: I want you, to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinare, this is Justin. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn’t he big? And you already met her, Pam, office hottie. She will do you. No, but she has already dated two guys in the office– that we know of. So, this could be number three. You never know—

Michael: Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: What? Why wouldn’t you say that to her face?

Jim: Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because, Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan he was the temp here. Yeah. And, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: Try.Andy: Hit about twelve hundred balls last night in preparation for the day so hands are a little tender. It’s actually not funny at all it’s incredibly painful.

Meredith: Guys, do we have to stay all day?
Phyllis: I mean Michael’s gone can’t we just go?
Creed: Yeah and I finished my work months ago.Dwight: Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten who is in charge here. When Michael is gone [pause] Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone, you answer to me. Okay?

Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya Pumpkin, it’s Creed. So we’re gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? Pumpkin’s out! Let’s go gang!

Michael: All of these jobs, suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than have to work in any one of these crapholes. They suck.

Jim: You know, it’s a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap, but I have to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him that I don’t quit either, and I’d call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today so I’m feeling pretty good.

Michael: If you can hear me, I would like you to look around at all these companies, and know, that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on. I mean I don’t even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league, you know! That’s not what you want! Dunder– that– ok I see security is coming so I just wanna say come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin. We do not offer college credit, we can not give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn- it. Ok. I’m gonna wrap it up here. Thank you, for your time. And drive safe!

The Office, The Office Quotes, The Office Quotes from Job Fair