Watching The Office

Jim: Is there a birthday that you remember that you loved?
Dwight: Here’s one —- it was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I’d never felt before, father dressed in white, pulls me forward, mother bites the cord…
Jim: Ok stop. Forever stop that story. That’s disgusting. And it doesn’t count. So give me another one.
Dwight: Schrutes don’t celebrate birthdays, idiot! It started as a depression-era practicality and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year! What about you?

Dwight: You have to write my suggestions down too.
Jim: I’m not writing “horse hunt.” I don’t even know what that means.
Dwight: It’s in the name!
Jim: Ok. So far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, touch football, mating, raids, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight: You’re right, forget horse hunting it’s stupid.

Jim: And…(showing cake to Kelly) Ta dah!!!!
Kelly: I hate it.
Jim: How do you hate it? It’s a cake.
Kelly: Well, there’s no flowers or toys or, I mean there’s nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean it doesn’t even have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Jim: Right.
Jim: I forgot if there was an e between the l and the y. I still don’t know.

Kelly: Why is there a Chiclet on my cake?
Jim: That’s the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
Dwight: Our theme, if you will.
Jim: Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping.
Dwight: That’s our theme!
Kelly: Cool!!!
Jim: Yeah?
Kelly: I love it.
Dwight: Yes! Ok, so what’s it gonna be Kapoor?
Kevin: Ooh! Can she pick a half hour of each?
Jim and Dwight: No.
Kevin: Oh. Then pick TV!
Meredith: Take a nap.
Kevin: Watching TV at work is really cool.
Stanley: Take a nap. Nothing good is on right now.
Creed: Bonnie Hunt is on.
Kelly: I have been watching TV all week, I choose nap.
Dwight: Ok nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We’re going to be eating cake at our desks!

Pam: So, detour. We’re now adding Nashua to the lecture circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone, I don’t think they get many visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross country skis. Ayy-oh! I’ve been driving too long.

Michael: I can’t do the presentation, I can’t. Just thinking about seeing him, and, thinking about him getting a hold of her and getting to kiss her. Just….Oh, God.
Pam: Listen. When Jim was dating Karen I didn’t want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit but…
Michael: Please. Come on. I’m going through something. Ok?

Pam: You know when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she’ll realize what she’s missing.
Michael: And then she’ll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam: Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. One step at a time.

Michael: Who have I wronged? Who have I, wronged. Oh! Oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford I insulted. We should find him.
Pam: You mean Tony?
Michael: Jabba the Hut, Pizza the Hut, fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza —- pepperoni Tony!
Pam: Oh, Michael…
Michael: Man was he fat. So, sooo fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.

Angela: I am proud to announce there is a new addition to the Martin family. She’s hypoallergenic, she doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her, she’s a third generation show-cat, her father was in Meet the Parents. Needless to say she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Where’d you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy’s engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn’t give it back?
Angela: He wouldn’t have wanted that. Her name, is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand! I gotta see that little bitch.

Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
Kevin: Ohhhhh…
Oscar: I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also I’m pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.